A-Act like you own the house,
And you will.

B-Be assertive, never let a book
Or newspaper stand in the way
Of you getting petted.

C-Critique everything, especially
Your food.

D-Dogs are dumber, we all know
That.




E-Enslave your humans, that's
What they are there for.

F-Follow your human often, but
Never when they want you to.

G-Greetings are very important,
Be sure to greet everybody
Carrying groceries by wrapping
Yourself around their legs.

H-Heat is very important, find
The warmest place in the house
And claim it, even if it's your
Humans pillow.




I-Impromptu shows of affection
Keep them guessing.

J-Jingling bells are wonderful,
Unless attached to you.

K-Knowledge is power, pretend
To know everything.

L-Love those who love you, and
make the rest pay.




M-Maturity is grand, but only
When someone is watching.

N-Nuzzle someone daily.

O-Occasional gifts are a
Treat, feel free to leave your
Hairballs where they can find
Them in the morning.

P-Pent-up energy should only
Be expelled by running at top
Speed through the house
For no apparent reason.




Q-Quench your thirst by drinking
From your human's cup. Then
Make faces at them if you don't
Like it.

R-Recognize faults, and that you
Have none.

S-Stretch before and after every
Nap, the longer the nap, the
Longer the stretch.

T-Teach your humans what you
Want them to know, but be
Patient, after all they are "only human."




U-Uncovered toes are for playing
With. The more asleep the
Human, the better the game.

V-Vanish unexpectedly at
Least once a month, then come
Back to a warm homecoming.

W-Whiskers can be used to
Wake your human, so they can
Get you breakfast. Whining helps too.

X-Xmas gifts are free game for
Tearing into, even if your name
Isn't on them.




Y-Yell if you don't get your way,
The louder and longer the better.

Z-Zeal is a wonderful thing, if it
Happens after a nap.

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